It all began---

To make things short of how things started- Basically we went to middleschool together never talked then I saw him summer entering highschool & thought "CUTIE!" then about 2 years later I begin to communicate with his friends & then BAM! me & him--------

I knew from the very begining that he would be the one to make my heart glow. Everything was amazing. HONEYMOON STAGE! 1 year & 6 months. We never met anyone like eahcother. Shared the same pasiions, could laugh about the same jokes--- everything. He was MY everything.

Then about 5 months later is when we began to fight about the little things. I used to play games with him blahh blahh. Okay fine. We broke up & I was hurt. That didnt stop us though--- we couldnt help it. So we still saw eachother. Everyone knew us as boyfriend & girlfriend. We just didnt have the title [ I mean we pretty much were---we dated no one & just acted the same when we were together]. I think we were just scared. I was. I didnt want to feel the break up again.

Another almost year passed--- I started to go out & even met new guys. I guess you could say I was begining to neglect my ex. We got in a arguement in November of 2008 when he said "Colleen! Be my girlfriend" when I replied with...

"I cant--- not right now" I guess I didnt feel like he meant it. & this was over the phone so I wanted it to be more real.

He took that answer & stuck with it. Then about 1 week & 5 days later I look at his myspace [yea i know damn myspace] & there it was-----in a relashionship.

He had met a girl on myspace 2 years younger then us, still in high school & was now dating her.

I wanted to die.

Of course I said " Just be with me" & he said "Nope, I cant"

I reached out to EVERYONE. I couldnt breath sometimes I swear. Everything gone. I felt like why I should go on... He was my first [you got it] & vice versa--- he was my love. We almost even had a baby together [which lead to a miscarriage]

Anyhoo--- I was so desperate to be like " Who does this girl think she is?" So one pf my friends added her so I could look on her page & I found comments by my ex to her that made me feel icky. There song is even by the same band as mine & his. He became depressed [his friends told me] & all he wanted to do was drink. He even saw me a couple of times & everytime he would see me he would just want to look at me & even cried 1 time [which he NEVER does]. He would call me everyday [mind you that in the first 2 months he was so mean to me, telling me he loved her, to get a boyfriend already, to get over it].

Alot of things happend. In February we even went to some concert together [which he insisted because he missed me, wanted me to be safe...etc] We had a talk that night & he told me that he was just so confused....

I wanted to move on--- I started going to the gym & have met some amazing people all this time. We dont talk anymore & I hear that his gf & him have problems...

Now I feel pretty good. Form feeling like I was going to die to great.

I have a new boyfriend at the moment whom I have great feelings for & hope it lasts. I finally feel like I could love again... I feel like me again. :)

Edith Piaf [the french singer] once was in an interview when she was asked what her advice would be to  the women, young ladies & young girls...

Her answer. LOVE

I guess we should be happy that we have even felt that feeling & at such young ages.

dear ex boyfriend,

For the past 4 months I have thought nothing more than to be with you again. Every inch of my body wanted you back- I wanted YOU back. I know you are confused about life, me & her & I understand. So that is why I am leaving. Although I am most for certain sure you think I will always be there I am not- not anymore. I hope you understand that EVERY relashionship is different & that she will N E V E R be me. You say " Please be my friend, why can't we be friends, I need you there..." When you know deep in you heart we cannot.

A friend does not call you telling you they miss you, that they are yours, that you will always have a special place in you heart, doesn't want you to date anyone ["because everyones a lameass"], they don't hurt you by telling you hurtful things...

Maybe one day when you & I grow up things can be different so please explore your world- live life & be well.

You will always remain something precious inside of me.